Over the last few weeks, I have heard a lot of you. I have gotten texts, messages, emails, phone calls. Pretty much anyway for y'all to contact me you have.
Here is a short list of what I have heard:
"You are so strong, I could never go public with my addiction."
"I struggle too. I am glad to know others feel the same."
"I am also addicted to porn, and have not told anyone, except you and my bishop."
These statements broke my heart. I could feel the pain behind these messages. I know exactly how all of you feel.
We are in this together. We can help each other.
Going public does not need to be what I did. However, I want to encourage you to tell your close friends and family that you can trust. Addiction thrives on secrecy and the more you try to keep it to yourself the more it has a grip on you.
Stop shaming yourself for it. There is a huge difference between shame and guilt. Shame is the thought process of I am bad, I am worthless, I am hopeless. If this is where you are, stop. I know that this is easier said than done, trust me, I am still working on it. Guilt is very different. Guilt is realizing that your actions are not in line with your core values.
Realizing this, can and will change your life. When I first started on this journey, I didn't know what my core values where, my therapist gave me a list of over 150 words and I spent hours narrowing it down, until I came up with three. IF you reach out to me I will send you the list.
After I was able to know what I wanted to stand for and who I really wanted to be, I am now able to lovingly correct myself. Guilt is not I am bad, or even that I did bad. Guilt is the recognition that this, my action does not line up with my core values. Then holding them up next to each other and figuring out what I need to change to be in alignment again.
My core values are wholehearted, compassion, and faith. These values aren't just what I want others to see in me, they are traits that I want to show to myself.
I have had a huge problem with putting myself down and telling myself I am nothing and part of it stems from my addiction. I am sure a lot of you can relate. We all need to show ourselves more love, kindness, and charity. We need to be willing to forgive ourselves in order to grow and move forward.
Blame never helps nor does it heal. Blame creates an even larger divide. We need to be willing to take the risk to start closing the divide and take risks to change our behaviors.
For me personally, I want a quick fix. I want to be all healed and whole now and not have to worry about a relapse. But, is that how anything in life works? Not quite.
It takes time to heal old wounds and scars, and this will take time too. Trust yourself and keep the faith. You can and will be able to be sober and overcome your addiction and so will I.
All we need is time.
That being said, we CANNOT and SHOULD NOT do it alone. There are plenty of ways to get help.
First of all, if you are LDS or not, check out the Addiction Recovery Program. It can do amazing things, it follows a 12 step program similar to AA. Plus, you can also go to meetings! You can find more info here.
Second, as I stated before the people in your life that you can truly trust and rely on, can and will be a bigger asset than you realize. Take a chance on them, you chose to have them in your life for a reason, they want to help, just like you would help them.
Third, church leaders. No matter what church you go to, they want to be there for you. Nothing hurts them more than to see someone in pain that they can help, and that won't ask for it. I know asking for help is hard, but it is worth it.
Forth, is a program called Fortify. It is a program designed to help people specifically with a pornography addiction. Check out more info about it here.
Y'all recovery is possible. I am not saying it will be easy and I am not saying it will be quick. IT WILL BRING YOU JOY! Imagine not needing to live a double life of constantly clearing your browser history and covering your tracks? It's more liberating than you would think
For those of you wanting to help those who might be struggling with addiction please watch this video, it can help in numerous ways!
I love what he says at the end of this video: The opposite of addiction is not becoming sober, the opposite of addiction is connection.
If you are finding yourself in the depth of addiction, reach out to others. Become more social. The weight will lift and you will see the light. Trust me, I have done it!
Please, if you need to talk to someone, talk to them. If you feel the need you can even reach out to me and we can work together to figure out what path will help you the best way that will work for you.
As always please know that I love you all so dearly!
Remember that when life gets hard, keep moving forward and...
Always Smile!
If you feel like any of what I am saying could help the people in your life please share it with them! That is why I am doing this, to help!
If you feel like any of what I am saying could help the people in your life please share it with them! That is why I am doing this, to help!
I have set up an email list if you would like to join it click here.
