So it has been a while since I have written anything, but as y'all should know by now I only post when I feel prompted or inspired to... Well it finally happened again! So so settle in this one might be a bumpy ride.
Life is great isn't? Is a wonderful roller coaster that you can never predict the way its going to go, nor cna you predict how fast you are going to go, or how slow. How high you might climb, or how low you might plummet! And it is WONDERFUL!!!! Right?!?!? Right!
Based on that you would assume that my life has been pretty crappy lately right? Well that isn't necessarily true. Life has actually been decently good, I am loving work, school doesn't suck too terrible, I have the world most amazing friends... So what wrong?
That is a great question. For the last few months I have felt as though I am once again stuck in a rut. I do the same things everyday and do not seem to be progressing at anything. Mostly on a spiritual level.
I mean I go to church, I go to institute (bible study), I try to do things that will up lift me, but it doesn't seem to be working.
I go and hang out with some of my close friends and I feel like I am alone. I try to pray and feel the Spirit to see what Heavenly Father wants me to do, and I get nothing, so what is the problem?
Is it that God doesn't care to help me? Is it that He is waiting for me to come find Him?
No. The problem is Me.
I continually go about things the wrong way. I do them for selfish reasons and not good selfish reason. Yes those exist, but thats for another post.... Maybe.
When I pray I do not do it because I want Heavenly Father to help me know His will, I have been wanting Him to conform to my will, which we all know doesn't work.
I have been wondering why I am here, is there a point, if He doesn't like what I want to do with my life what is the point?
Then I realized something. The reason I keep thinking like this is because I do not have a solid relationship with Christ. I have not tried to to make the Atonement personal. I take it for granted.
I keep asking the same questions that most of you have asked. Why am I here? Whats the point of me living? Why did Christ die for me, I am not worth it.
And by asking these questions we are hiding ourselves from the Lord. There is a wonderful analogy that I want to use. Heavenly Father has buckets and buckets of blessings to pour down on us, and his never stops pouring them, but we aren't getting them. This is because we have decided that we need an umbrella and we hide from him.
Why do we do this? I believe it is for many reasons, but my biggest reason is because I don't know my true worth and I feel I am not worthy of the blessings. This comes from a lack of understanding and not applying what I know to be true.I know the Atonement cleans us all and makes it to where we are all capable of feeling the love from the Lord if we choose to, but I feel as though sometimes some of the things I have done disqualify me of this love.
Crazy right? It wasn't until today that I really understood how much the Lord loves me and is watching out for me.
Today I was at work and I heard the front door open and my desk is in the back and I was going to get up to greet the people who had come in but then realized my coworker was already there doing it. SO I sat back down. Then the following happens:
Coworker: "Can I help you?"
Random Peeps: "Yes we are looking for Teasha Adams."
Me in the back of the office, looks at other coworker, and I say "You have got to be kidding me."
(Side story, I keep getting things delivered to the office and I thought this was another one.)
I get up out of my seat and walk to the front and I am SHOCKED and SPEECHLESS(which if you know me, doesn't happen often) by who I see in front of me. It was the DJ's form the radio station I listen to in the morning. It is a Christian Radio station and it is awesome! It is the best way to start your morning, in case you wanted to know!
So they introduce themselves to me, and hand me a "Blessing Bag" with some goodies in it and ask if they can speak to me alone.
I lead them into a conference room and I close the door and they explain that they felt like they needed to reach out to me to thank me for everything I am doing and to make sure I was doing okay.
So a little back story to this, is I had called in and messaged them a few times back in Feb/Mar when I was going though a hard time, and I once I came out of it I didn't really reach out to them much, except to request a song here and there.
So they had no idea, and still have no idea, of what I am currently going through. But they asked if they could pray with and for me and of course I said yes. And I wont share here exactly what was said, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was amazing!
So, how did they know to come to me? How did they know I was at work? How did they know where I worked?
All great questions once again, and I am sure I could figure out the answers to some of them, but the biggest one is that they were in tune with the Spirit, and the Lord knew what I needed. He knows us! He loves us! He will make away for us to see His love for us, we just need to open our eyes to see that it is HIM!
Heavenly Father sent Brian and Kat to my office today, because HE knew I needed them. HE knew I needed to know how much He loves me. He knew how to reach out to me. They had no idea that I have been feeling ill, and that I had been in the hospital over the weekend. They had no idea that I had called into work for the past few days, and had almost not come in today either. They had no idea.
But the Lord did. Y'all, He loves us more than we can being to understand. He knows us, He sees us, we aren't just here to live and die, we have a purpose. We are here to learn how to return to him. And the way we do that is by allowing Him to love us and allow Him to help us.
How do we do this? We believe. We trust him. And we start to understand that we are all worth dying for.
Christ died for all of us that we maybe made clean to return to the Father, but He would have done it for any of us individually, simply because he loves us.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ both love us individually and they both want to help us, we just need to trust them and lean on them for help.
If you are struggling with your faith, knell down in earnest prayer and I promise He will answer you, but do not be afraid to do what He asks of you, trust Him. He will bring you joy.
I am starting this journey of truly believing that I am someone worth dying for, so if you need help, come to me. I am here, we can support each other. I love you all very much and I hope you know how much Heavenly Father loves you too!
As always if you ever need to contact me please feel free to via email teasha.adams@gmail.com or Facebook https://www.facebook.com/teasha.adams91 and of course you can leave a comment down below.
Remember that when life gets hard, keep moving forward and...
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